Home.

"All I see on Facebook are updates from people who are vacationing to different places. Some people went to New Orleans. Some people went to California. Some people went to Florida. I, however, went to Flint, Michigan. Home is where my vacationing heart wants to be."

Home is where my vacationing heart wants to be.

This year for "Spring Break," I'm going home. Home to Flint, Michigan. It's only a 35-40 minute drive from school, depending on who is driving and what speed you're going. But nonetheless, it's a drive- a drive that I really enjoy taking. It gives me some time alone to spend with myself and think.

Although I'm only going to be going for a couple of days at the most, I think that going home will be good for me, especially because I want to just relax for a day or two and regroup so that by the time school comes around again, I'm not running on fumes.

I love being away at school. I get so many different angles of so many different things because of the atmosphere and the environment. That feeling of community and home has been there ever since I stepped foot on campus. I love spending a lot of my time there, working towards making things better for everyone. I know that I'm there to make a difference and that there are people there that I can surround myself with that will ultimately compliment my efforts. And most of all, I know that being away at school has given the opportunity to do so many different things. Academically and socially, I've been able to be involved with so many different things. My heart is invested there.

But home is where my vacationing heart loves to be. No matter how bad of a place that it is there, Flint is where my home is. I'll always call it home, even if I call school my home too.

I love coming home for a break every once in a while. Every time that I leave, I feel so much more ready for what comes after.

I leave saying, "bring it on."

Happiness Pt. 2: The Running List

When I wrote the last time about what makes me happy, I said that I'd keep a running list. I know that it's been a while since I've updated this list and that things have changed a lot since then, but here is my attempt at adding things to the previous list:



-People that have the courage to share their secrets with strangers make me happy. I don't think that this one really needs an explanation. Check it out if you haven't already before.



-My English class makes me happy. I go into that class everyday and my mind is engaged (which is one of my favorite things). I leave with a sense of thoughtfulness. Nothing beats that feeling.



-Pens still make me happy.



-(Parentheses make me happy.) (I'm not even sure why.) (I guess it makes me feel like whatever I write in between the left and right parentheses isn't visible to everyone else.) (Which wouldn't make sense if I'm trying to get you to read my blog.) (Oh well, I like them either way.)



-I've got a new thing where I like to buy the actual physical copy of a CD when it comes out. Preferably only my favorite bands. It makes me happy knowing that I have a piece of something that they made and poured their heart into. It gives me a sense of reason behind the idea of owning CD's in the first place; as if having the physical copy makes me unique.



-This one girl I know makes me happy. I bet you're smiling now because you know that I'm talking about you. And now the smile is a little bit bigger. And now you know.



-Finishing books make me happy. That sense of encompassment that I get from it; the feeling that I just lived in a whole other world with totally different people and crazy adventures, and different thoughts or feelings towards things, that's what I like the most about it.



-Heart to heart talks with people make me happy. I learn something new every time and it seriously completes my life. When they happen, I feel like I'm growing so much closer to people and that I'm gaining so much trust because of it. That makes me happy.



-Whispering sweet nothings makes me happy.


This is it for now. This list will continue. Maybe in a couple of months, maybe next week, maybe in five years. But it will continue.

Disguise.

Maybe in cardboard boxes filled with papers from your past and a soul that was once set on fire comes pouring out to you, only to reignite what once was there.

Maybe you wake up and you just know. You’re finally happy. You finally have so many reasons to smile, even through the tough times. Maybe waking up has ignited the fire that you’ve had inside of you all along. Maybe that one night changes everything for you. Maybe you share a kiss with someone and you just know that things are different- that things are finally coming together and you’re finally getting what you deserve.

Maybe you never thought that things would be this way. You were so far gone, so far removed from thinking that one person’s smile can change your whole world. Maybe that at 4:30 in the morning, the only thing that comes to you is exactly what you wanted; everything that you’ve been asking for from life is aligning and you just… know.

Maybe I know. Maybe finally waking up is giving me something to look forward to. Maybe my heart is awake and ignited and ready to let those walls fall.

Maybe the walls have already fallen.

The best things in life come to you in disguise.

Run.

So let us run.

Let us run until our feet can't seem to find the ground anymore. Let us run until we become the wind and with every binding moment, we keep our eyes steady so that we don't become tangled with anything that can hold us down. Let us run as if we cannot settle; like a layer of dust that sits upon every surface of a room that goes untouched for weeks.

Let us run.

Let us run like the planet were on fire and the only thing that could save us was the heavy chest that would accompany our marathon. Let us run for the simple fact that the air hitting our face can take every doubt that we have and throw it right out the window.

Let us run because running sets us free; because every fire inside of us needs to be satisfied.

Because there are uncertainties in this world with which we may not understand.

Because there are people out there who get less than they deserve and there are people who deserve less than they get.

Let us run and jump and skip because everything that we have is everything that we are. Because everything we represent becomes every lesson learned and every wound healed. Because everything less than me becomes everything more than you. Because every inch can be stretched into miles and miles of unbroken journeys.

Let us run.

Simply, let us run.

Edge of Desire

"... So a lot of you guys are going to head home and either receive texts in the dead of night or actually compose them- that are not going to be fully representative of how you feel for the rest of the day of the rest of your week. But you'll be reaching out, and if you're not reaching out, you'll have someone else reaching out to you. And your friends, and your brain, and your morals and your conscience have all trained you not to respond. But I'm going to go against the grain and I'm going to suggest that the next time you get a text from the one you love, the only person in the world that you love and can't talk to, that you respond, that you just write back. When they ask you if you're up, and you're up, and you love them, just write back 'yup, come over.' Because life is just too short to be playing the game. Because if you really want somebody, you'll figure it out later. Otherwise, you'll be laying in bed with a blackberry on your chest staring at it doing nothing for the rest of the night, hoping that it goes, 'bvvvvvvvvm, bvvvvvvvvm, bvvvvvvvm."


This video right here has changed a lot of things for me. First off, the first 1:15 of this is absolutely wonderful. Every sentence, every word right here has proven to be terribly relatable in some way. And he's right. With everything that he says and means, he's absolutely right.

If you listened to the whole video, you'll know that this is a live video of him, and that he vibes with every word that comes out of his mouth.

Who are we to know what tomorrow has in store for us? All we know is what is now: everything that is present and probably more of the past than we care to recall. We, as humans, are conditioned to love things that come into our lives and change our hearts. This video right here gives me every bit of hope that somewhere in my future, I'll feel the feeling inside of me when I can be changed again.

Yes, I've blogged before about this kind of thing, but honestly, if it keeps ringing true, why not keep writing about it?

To Myself.

Dear Robbie,

You're struggling with things, but I promise you that if you keep on writing about anything that bothers you, you'll be able to feel better about it. Just get things out of you. Even if you think that it's not worth writing down, or if you think that it's not needed. Write it down. It'll benefit you to remember it later so that you know how to get yourself out of it. So write it down, even if it's small and you don't think it's worthy enough to write down.

Keep running that marathon you're in. Know that the path will get steep and you'll want to stop to take a break. But also know that you can't stop. You've got to keep going; you've got to keep moving. There are always areas to improve upon. You've got a long life ahead of you. Do it right. Do everything the right way. Do everything with your creativity and your imagination, and do it in such a proud way. You have every right to feel the way you do. You're just doing what you know is best for you. I know you're going to keep her in your life because you don't give up on people. You fall quicker than others and you attach some sides of your feelings to them- not the whole feelings, just the sides of them because you know that going from the outside in is the right way to do it. Your emotions are going to be your biggest asset one day, once they reach their peak and learn from everything that you've been through.

Go against the grain, Robbie.

"Life is just too short to keep playing the game. Because if you really want somebody, you'll figure it out later."

Keep those eyes open. Keep that head up. Keep the blood running through your veins, and keep your heart in tact.

Journey

I want to take the world on with you.

A funny thing love is, huh?

I don't know exactly what it is- I'm not sure many of us really do. We are born into a world that emits struggling and, even in the best terms, we're fighting an uphill battle. But we grow up searching for something or someone to help us on our journey; someone who can make the path ahead a little less hard to bear and a little more worthwhile.

We'll walk down that road and we'll meet people who we are sure will be there for so long. That is, until they're not anymore. Becoming so dependent on just having someone there to help you and then changing so fast for another way down the road alone.

Here I am equipping myself with tools and gadgets that will help me build these walls, and all I really need to do is take a seat and see who is willing to come and destroy what I've built.

When I try to describe what love is, all I get are these fragments of sentences- these words like "you" and "me" and "this" and "us"- mostly because love isn't something that can be described as easily as it can be felt. But those words give me the courage and the strength; those fragments of words work together to change things in my mind. It gives me a sense of hope and direction with where things are going with my life. So I'll take it.