Giving Up.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself, that things won't always go as planned. For me, it's been one hell of a ride. Emotional stress, followed by physical breakdown, accompanied by spiritual depletion and mental hindrances have all been present, at the same time. I've felt that feeling. The one where I know I don't have anybody there, to pick me up when I'm down. Or to guide me, when I don't have anything showing me my way. I was forced to pick myself up. I was a misfit. Nobody wanted me. Nobody wanted to help me, in my time of struggling.

I picked myself up; dusted my own shoulders off. Even when I never thought I could, I did. Even when all odds were against me, and I was left in the dust of my own being, I did it.

Let me be the first person to tell you: It wasn't easy. Not in any circumstance was it easy for me to pick myself up, out of my own hole. In fact, it was probably the hardest thing I've had to do. It made me a stronger person, which is why I'm glad I went through it alone. As much as I wanted someone there for me, to pick me up after I fell, and as much as I would've loved for someone to be my support, I needed to go through it alone. To make my heart truer to itself, and to make the pain very evident to myself. When a heart is broken, and is forced to independently heal, the process is hard. But in the end, you'll be amazed on how much character it builds for you. I don't wish it on anybody, to get hurt the way I did, nor to feel the pain I felt, but to even have the ability to know what it truly feels like is a blessing in disguise.

Trust me.

Yes, memories are all I have left of past happiness. Some of which, I won't ever forget. This may be confusing but it's the truth:

• I refuse to be treated that way again, and some people may never really understand the feeling that I felt, nor will they understand what happened in my past; which won't allow them to understand me in the present. (As much as I'd like to make people understand, or even try to help them understand, it's not as easy as it seems. Sometimes, it's not even the case)
  

• I also refuse to forget some of the memories that I have, because forgetting would create a gap-something that I definitely don't need. Remembering the memories will allow me to link my present with my past, and will show me everything that has happened along the way. I don't want to say it shows me what mistakes I've made, but it's along those lines. It shows me what lessons I've learned, so to speak.

Lastly, there is a reason for everything, as well as a time and place for everything. There comes a time in life when you have to come to realizations on certain subjects in their entirety. During my journey of hurting, I've realized some things.

1. I pushed away way too many people who I cared about, and who cared about me.
2. I was blind. Completely.
3. I hurt a lot of people, to make one person happy, and didn't even succeed.
4. I hurt myself, to make others happy.
5. I lost a little piece of myself, through all of the hurting, all of the confusion, all of the remorse, and all of the mistakes/lessons learned.
6. I pushed myself down into the hole, by allowing myself to be stepped on.
   

My final realization?

I realized that I am only one person and I am not perfect. Nobody is. In fact, nobody comes close to being perfect. Everybody just has to accept that fact. Everyone will make mistakes, only because we are human, and because it is normal.

The only thing left to do is find someone who accepts the fact that I have flaws, and that I am imperfect.

The beauty of it all, is knowing that the only real person you can trust is yourself.
When you lose that...

You're done.