Words.

Words. They're all I have to give anymore. Words that form me. Words that define what I am. Words that describe what I have to give. Words that come from my soul. Words that come from my heart. Inevitably, words that mean nothing to you.

That's really all I have to give anymore. Words. Some that show you how I care; some that don't. Words that come out of my mouth and tell you what's on my mind and in my heart. Words that will be the death of me, and words that will keep me hanging on by a thread. Words of amazing inspiration and my theoretical mind making things unique.

Words.

I can't go much longer knowing that my words don't mean anything to you. I can't live with knowing that I'm the reason that you think I lie; that my words are false. I remain calm now - no need to get worked up for no reason anymore. The more I fight it, it seems, the more you shy away from believing in my words ever again. You look past things because you love me, but deep down, you don't believe me.

It kills me to know that you're hurt.
Every single day, I sit with myself knowing that you deserve someone that you can trust; someone that you can believe in. That someone, to you, isn't me. As much as you love me, you don't desire to believe me. My words of emotion have poured out and they haven't been caught. They've lied on the ground and looked up for someone to pick them up, one by one, even. No suitable takers anymore, Robbie. No more people to pick them up. No more of people believing in you. In this time, I have to believe in myself, and it's been extremely hard to do. I've already had inner problems. Ones that haven't went away, obviously. My mind has distorted my own image of myself. I can't actually see myself anymore. My words can't actually form a meaning without someone there choosing to believe in them. Without that, my words are nothing. Just as helpless as the last thing that went out of date.
Just as helpless as the old Robbie.

Just as helpless as you are when you try to believe me.

I've never given you a reason not to, but you just don't believe me.
I guess that's what I get.
That's what I get for giving you everything I have.
That's what I get for showing you that you deserve better than what you were getting.
That's exactly what I get for giving you every reason to love me, and meaning it.

That's what I get for loving you.
For loving everything about you.
Every little thing.
That's what I get.

My Repose.

Sometimes I wish I could sleep until the pain went away. I wish I could sleep; one of those long, hard, uninterrupted sleeps just to get the feeling out of my head for a while. Sleeping would allow me to forget about all of the stress, all of the heartache, all of the confusion and loss. It would all be gone. Sleeping would allow me to forget about time. Time in which everyone else sees it would be like the raindrops on a window. It would all run down and eventually fall into empty space. I want to sleep so that I don't have to hear your voice scold me. God knows I've tried to make you see just how much you mean to me, but something tells me that the deed isn't done in the same context.
I would sleep so that my heart wouldn't break. It's been held together by another human being, and shattered all the same. This is why I'm so reluctant to give people chances anymore. I can't bear to hurt anymore. Sleeping would make it go away. The broken heart is a hard thing to mend, especially if yours is broken. I would sleep so that the sound of my grandmother crying every time I leave home wouldn't play in my head, nor my heart anymore. It absolutely crushes me to hear her cry like that. I get all choked up when I hear her crying and when I feel her clutch me. She most certainly a big part of me. She's getting old now. It worries me to leave because I don't want it to be the last time I see her again. My world would break if I lost her.
I would rest so that I couldn't feel anymore. No more feelings of sorrow or depression would ring through me. No more thoughts would fill my head of you leaving me. No more thoughts of you dropping me and leaving me for something better out there. I know it comes to everybody's head every once in a while at least: the thought of your loved one leaving you behind. I trust that this wouldn't happen to me. I'm going with my heart.
I would sleep to numb myself.
To avoid seeing you hurt.
I would sleep to sleep. To not awake just yet.
I would sleep to let go.
I would wake up with a broken heart all along.
I can't avoid it.
I'd sleep with a broken heart.
None of this makes sense.