To Myself.

Dear Robbie,

You're struggling with things, but I promise you that if you keep on writing about anything that bothers you, you'll be able to feel better about it. Just get things out of you. Even if you think that it's not worth writing down, or if you think that it's not needed. Write it down. It'll benefit you to remember it later so that you know how to get yourself out of it. So write it down, even if it's small and you don't think it's worthy enough to write down.

Keep running that marathon you're in. Know that the path will get steep and you'll want to stop to take a break. But also know that you can't stop. You've got to keep going; you've got to keep moving. There are always areas to improve upon. You've got a long life ahead of you. Do it right. Do everything the right way. Do everything with your creativity and your imagination, and do it in such a proud way. You have every right to feel the way you do. You're just doing what you know is best for you. I know you're going to keep her in your life because you don't give up on people. You fall quicker than others and you attach some sides of your feelings to them- not the whole feelings, just the sides of them because you know that going from the outside in is the right way to do it. Your emotions are going to be your biggest asset one day, once they reach their peak and learn from everything that you've been through.

Go against the grain, Robbie.

"Life is just too short to keep playing the game. Because if you really want somebody, you'll figure it out later."

Keep those eyes open. Keep that head up. Keep the blood running through your veins, and keep your heart in tact.

Journey

I want to take the world on with you.

A funny thing love is, huh?

I don't know exactly what it is- I'm not sure many of us really do. We are born into a world that emits struggling and, even in the best terms, we're fighting an uphill battle. But we grow up searching for something or someone to help us on our journey; someone who can make the path ahead a little less hard to bear and a little more worthwhile.

We'll walk down that road and we'll meet people who we are sure will be there for so long. That is, until they're not anymore. Becoming so dependent on just having someone there to help you and then changing so fast for another way down the road alone.

Here I am equipping myself with tools and gadgets that will help me build these walls, and all I really need to do is take a seat and see who is willing to come and destroy what I've built.

When I try to describe what love is, all I get are these fragments of sentences- these words like "you" and "me" and "this" and "us"- mostly because love isn't something that can be described as easily as it can be felt. But those words give me the courage and the strength; those fragments of words work together to change things in my mind. It gives me a sense of hope and direction with where things are going with my life. So I'll take it.

Appreciation

Sometimes, when things get really tough for me, I sit down at my desk and I open my journal to the next available blank page, and I fill the page with all of the thoughts and feelings that describe me at that moment.

I realize that the page is usually filled in no time with words that have slid right out of my head and off of my lips so that I can hear whatever it is that I end up connecting to my fingers and pen.

When I'm done, I'm able to look at the page and see the places that I scribbled or messed up and I'm able to feel what I felt when I was writing it, or feel whatever made me want to write it down and keep it. I find every reason to appreciate every word that I wrote down and I slip it into my heart.

What I'm saying is that acquiring the appreciation of life's smaller things should be in everyone's head. It should be taught to us as infants, climbing out of the womb, and instilled into our heads as we grow older until eventually, it becomes second nature to us. We should be able to appreciate everything in our lives as they are, not as they used to be or how they will be in the future. We should be able to appreciate all of the decisions we've made and the places we've slept without feeling like we've lost a little bit of ourselves.

We have to know how to appreciate the bad things in life, like getting caught in the rain on your way to a job interview or looking unprepared for something that is so important and worthwhile. Having the ability to appreciate these things gives us the chance to make our lives extraordinary. We are able to see that we're not meant to have all good things in life. Expecting becomes much easier to dwindle out of our lives.

I guess you have to have the bad days in order to appreciate the good ones.

So here I am, appreciating what’s there, appreciating the smiles because the frowns are too common, and appreciating that all I have in this world is the small, dim ember that is burning inside of me, yearning to be seen from miles away someday.

“But every time you walk away, I could never, never find the words to make you stay, but I’ll try come sunrise.”